Final Fantasy sounds like a last request sex sesh before you’re executed.

26 Aug

There are few things I enjoy more than sitting around, making fun of overly dramatic video games. That being said, I’ve been playing Final Fantasy XIII for the past few days.

I can only say one thing for certain about this game. IT’S FUCKING CONFUSING. I don’t know if it’s my dumbassery at work, but I’ve played about four hours of FFXIII and I still don’t know what’s going on. There’s something called Cocoon and something called Pulse and there’re these thingies that need to complete some quest or they’ll turn into a monster and if they do complete the quest they turn into crystal and I don’t know what the fuck those Square Enix guys were smoking when they thought up this plotline, but I want some.

My head just about exploded when they started talking about something called Ragnarok and then all of a sudden we were in this crystal world where everything looked the same and I just wanted to sit in a corner and rock back and forth because my brain couldn’t take it anymore.

However, my hugest complaint about the game thus far is the character of Vanille. I wanna cuntpunch this ho for setting feminism back about fifty years. I don’t wanna get into the whole debate of women in games/gaming (at least, not now), but I feel attention must be drawn to this Vanille character. She’s vapid, she’s annoyingly airheadedly chipper, she’s disgustingly weak, she can’t seem to string together a coherent thought, she only seems to exist so you can see up her skirt, and she’s a horrendous stereotype of a female. I’m gonna de-nut the doofus that created this bitch.

However, despite what my whining might indicate, I actually do enjoy playing this game, so I should probably say some positive stuff about FFXIII. And since I like multiples of three, you’re getting three.

It’s pretty, the battle system’s cool, and there’s an item called ‘Strange Fluid’ (SEMEN?!) The end.

Advertisements

One Response to “Final Fantasy sounds like a last request sex sesh before you’re executed.”

  1. Dakisu August 28, 2010 at 12:42 pm #

    FFXIII is way up there alongside MGS4 in terms of convoluted awesomeness.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: