Tag Archives: Final Fantasy

Geek Girl Halloween Costume Dilemma

15 Oct

If you’re like me and would rather spend that extra hour of the day trying to complete the next temple in your Legend of Zelda game instead of doing yoga for an hour, maybe you aren’t in such great shape come Halloween time.

That being said, I can never figure out what to dress up as for Halloween that could possibly be clever, relevant and slightly sexy, because if you’re an adult female, you have to be some kind of sexy something. Sexy nurse. Sexy secretary. Sexy prisonmate. Whatever. Your store-bought options are pretty limited unless you know how to sew.

Luckily, I know how to sew, and I don’t have much of a social life, so I have time to crank out a costume for Halloween. But what about my girl friends who can’t sew? What are your options if all you do is stay home and watch “Darker Than Blood“?  Slave-outfit Leia again? Lara Croft? Let’s face it–if you don’t have boobs and nice legs, the Tomb Raider is territory you don’t want to cross lest you want to end up on ohnotheydidnt.

I always figure out my costumes at the last minute and they’re usually some kind of overly complicated contraption I lose sleep and hair over during the month of October. In fact it’s 3AM right now and I should probably be sleeping or drunk off my ass because that’s what exciting people do on Thursday nights, not contemplate Halloween costumes or write blog posts helping other people figure out their costumes.

But I’ve had a good handful of friends ask me for ideas on creative and simple Halloween costumes. I cannot help you. I can, however, direct you to some ideas if all you do is play Final Fantasy when you get home.

It’s not too hard for a female to “win” in a Halloween costume. All you need to do is show some cleavage and have awesome hair. For example, MegaWoman told me she was going to be Tifa Lockhart this year. Half of society doesn’t know who that is. But MegaWoman is pretty tall and has the body to pull it off so she’s going to get lookers anyway! Win. I don’t have boobs. I am also not very tall. So I have to resort to making a really complicated costume to hoard attention.

Tifa Lockhart

Tifa Lockhart. Image via desktopnexus.com

I stumbled upon these costumes the other day–I wouldn’t really consider them a “win”–you’ll definitely get attention, but your photo will probably be headlining the “caption contest” the next day.

Trashy Halloween Costumes

Clockwise from top left: "Han Solo", "Darth Vader", "Chew...bacca?"

So my solution for winning this Halloween as a nerdy female is to pick a costume you actually might enjoy wearing and doesn’t require funky undergarments you’ve just discovered to accommodate your outfit. This costume may not be instantly recognizable (to the masses) but as long as you don’t look overly exposed (re: Miley Cyrus’ sister last year, see below, what the hell) and I can still recognize you after all your makeup (that is, unless I’m not supposed to be able to–i.e. zombie costume), I’m giving you my two thumbs up.

Noah Cyrus

Sexy costume fail. Image via cutemileycyrus.com

Because I just subjected you to that horrific photo, here’s the trailer to Priest to bleach your mind.

Final Fantasy sounds like a last request sex sesh before you’re executed.

26 Aug

There are few things I enjoy more than sitting around, making fun of overly dramatic video games. That being said, I’ve been playing Final Fantasy XIII for the past few days.

I can only say one thing for certain about this game. IT’S FUCKING CONFUSING. I don’t know if it’s my dumbassery at work, but I’ve played about four hours of FFXIII and I still don’t know what’s going on. There’s something called Cocoon and something called Pulse and there’re these thingies that need to complete some quest or they’ll turn into a monster and if they do complete the quest they turn into crystal and I don’t know what the fuck those Square Enix guys were smoking when they thought up this plotline, but I want some.

My head just about exploded when they started talking about something called Ragnarok and then all of a sudden we were in this crystal world where everything looked the same and I just wanted to sit in a corner and rock back and forth because my brain couldn’t take it anymore.

However, my hugest complaint about the game thus far is the character of Vanille. I wanna cuntpunch this ho for setting feminism back about fifty years. I don’t wanna get into the whole debate of women in games/gaming (at least, not now), but I feel attention must be drawn to this Vanille character. She’s vapid, she’s annoyingly airheadedly chipper, she’s disgustingly weak, she can’t seem to string together a coherent thought, she only seems to exist so you can see up her skirt, and she’s a horrendous stereotype of a female. I’m gonna de-nut the doofus that created this bitch.

However, despite what my whining might indicate, I actually do enjoy playing this game, so I should probably say some positive stuff about FFXIII. And since I like multiples of three, you’re getting three.

It’s pretty, the battle system’s cool, and there’s an item called ‘Strange Fluid’ (SEMEN?!) The end.

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