Tag Archives: Girls

Milla Jovovich Can Punch You in the Baby-Maker

16 Sep

If you’re a loyal reader to this new blog, you’re going to have to agree with me when I state that MILLA JOVOVICH IS HOT. We will never become friends if you disagree with that statement. In the world of ass-kicking movie babes, I bow down to Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft, but Angelina is obviously, as we know, not human, but rather, a goddess. (You’re allowed to disagree with me on that statement)

So as much as I love Angelina, why is it that I might love Milla more? Because, my friends, if you haven’t noticed, Milla Jovovich is not your typical hot, multi-tasking entertainer. When I mention “typical” I meant = huge boobs. I rejoice because Milla is kind of flat-chested. Yeah, I check other girls out. So deal.

Milla Jovovich and Paul W.S. Anderson

I think of it this way.... we can wear a deep V w/o worrying. Photo via celebrific.com

Other bloggers in this group are more blessed in the bust area (no names yet), but me being your “typical” Taiwanese girl, I wasn’t so lucky in this department. It probably did not help that I ran cross-country and track for 5 years as I was “developing”, so wearing all those sports bras might have contributed to my current situation. But I realized something during this time–it’s easier to kick ass minus that weight, realistically-speaking. Just think about it–if we had to sneak through a narrow alleyway I could probably fit through it NO PROBLEM. If I was an Amazonian woman I wouldn’t need to cut off one of my boobs to be an efficient archer! If… alright, you got me, I got some boob envy. Hey, at least I’m honest about it, right?

But enough about boobs on a Friday morning. Milla, if you didn’t know, is also a supermodel and quite the musician. She can SING. REALLY. Check it out below.

And since I’m obsessing here’s the Ultraviolet trailer. She looks awesome in it. Also, my dad owns this movie.

And you know what? She’s really the only model who’s successfully made the transition to film. I remember seeing her for the first time in “The Fifth Element”–one of my all-time favorite movies, and… perhaps it was the orange hair or the funky band-aid strap outfit we first saw her in, but I instantly became a fan. I didn’t think she was hot, but she kicked THE MOST ASS IN THE MOVIE, I’M SURE YOU CAN AGREE. AND THEN SHE WAS IN ZOOLANDER!! WHO CAN FORGET THE 2nd BEST LINE IN THE MOVIE–“I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit… stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander!” (The best line being Christine Taylor’s retort, obviously… speaking of which, I remember MegaWoman and I having this conversation and realizing that we needed to be friends immediately afterwards) I’m glad to see her film career skyrocket afterwards, without her needing to end up in some cheesy romance flick about a girl with too many shoes or signing onto a film that eventually sees J.Lo replacing her.

Milla in Fifth Element

No, I will never make this costume for Halloween. Image via viewpoints.com

If not for Milla, I would not be going to watch Resident Evil: Afterlife tonight. The first movie was awful beyond belief. I actually laughed during the laser hallway/room scene because the effects were so sheisty.

Milla Jovovich L'Oreal

OMG! Milla! Why are you so amazing?! Old L'Oreal ad.

Now that I think about it, I’m not sure if you can even hate this woman, because other flat-chested girls like me aren’t jealous of the large rack she doesn’t have, and she can probably help you survive a zombie apocalypse if that happens in the next few years.

One of my favorite fight scenes ever.

Final Fantasy sounds like a last request sex sesh before you’re executed.

26 Aug

There are few things I enjoy more than sitting around, making fun of overly dramatic video games. That being said, I’ve been playing Final Fantasy XIII for the past few days.

I can only say one thing for certain about this game. IT’S FUCKING CONFUSING. I don’t know if it’s my dumbassery at work, but I’ve played about four hours of FFXIII and I still don’t know what’s going on. There’s something called Cocoon and something called Pulse and there’re these thingies that need to complete some quest or they’ll turn into a monster and if they do complete the quest they turn into crystal and I don’t know what the fuck those Square Enix guys were smoking when they thought up this plotline, but I want some.

My head just about exploded when they started talking about something called Ragnarok and then all of a sudden we were in this crystal world where everything looked the same and I just wanted to sit in a corner and rock back and forth because my brain couldn’t take it anymore.

However, my hugest complaint about the game thus far is the character of Vanille. I wanna cuntpunch this ho for setting feminism back about fifty years. I don’t wanna get into the whole debate of women in games/gaming (at least, not now), but I feel attention must be drawn to this Vanille character. She’s vapid, she’s annoyingly airheadedly chipper, she’s disgustingly weak, she can’t seem to string together a coherent thought, she only seems to exist so you can see up her skirt, and she’s a horrendous stereotype of a female. I’m gonna de-nut the doofus that created this bitch.

However, despite what my whining might indicate, I actually do enjoy playing this game, so I should probably say some positive stuff about FFXIII. And since I like multiples of three, you’re getting three.

It’s pretty, the battle system’s cool, and there’s an item called ‘Strange Fluid’ (SEMEN?!) The end.

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