Tag Archives: Monsters

Questions for Zack Snyder

28 Mar

March 25 was a very important date for all nerds. It was the date on which the conglomeration of all nerds’ wet dreams came into fruition–Zack Snyder’s “Suckerpunch“. Hot chicks in skimpy outfits, weapons, monsters, dragons, supposedly awesome visual effects, ass-kicking, Carla Gugino… what more is there to say?

Yeah, I definitely was NOT prepared for THIS MOVIE. Image via filmofilia.com

All of those items could amount to epicness at the level of Scott Pilgrim, or create a soup that has way too many ingredients (bad analogy but I really cannot think of anything else at this time), and if you went to the midnight screening on Thursday, the first thing you did after the movie was probably update your Facebook status about how horrible the movie was, which would then deter many who were interested in this movie. Well, despite my friend’s gchat status of: my brain is jelly… which he explained, “that’s what the movie did to me”, I still went to see the movie on Friday night, and I must admit, though I lowered my standards very, very much (I had just watched “Hall Pass” recently, and that was not a good movie either…. I mean I seriously lowered my standards), “Suckerpunch” left me speechless. Speechless because I do not understand how a movie like that didn’t go straight to video. DVD. Whatever. Of course, my friends and I were completely at a loss for words after the movie, but after about 15 minutes, I had many, many unanswered questions for Zack Snyder, to which I can only hope somebody can provide me with some type of closure with. See below (spoiler alert, if you even care):

1. Why did you (Zack Snyder) hire the same visual effects team as M. Night Shyamalan? I am referring to the team that worked on “The Last Airbender“. I watched “300” more than once and I know what you are capable of. You have the money to hire a better team. Why did you deprive us of bearable graphics? The effects in the movie made me truly appreciate how beautiful the graphics are … on the PSP.

Really awkward snow scene that could have been superb? Check.

2.  In the first fight against the 3 “samurai” warriors with glowing eyes, was there zero gravity in that space? How did Babydoll’s measly little blade hold up against their weapons, which were about 100x bigger and heavier? I do not understand that, especially since she was flung around like a ragdoll, but her sword was able to cut through their armor? Please explain that to me, that would never work in a video game.

3. Why were Amber and Blondie in a mental institution? They seemed pretty normal to me.

4. Also, why did the above two characters only have… 2 lines in the entire movie?

5. Why is Vanessa Hudgens’ character’s name “Blondie”? She is not blonde. Backstory please.

This actually doesn't even look like Vanessa Hudgens. Image via filmofilia.com

6. Why would you make the girls in a mental institution prostitute themselves? That is just a recipe for disaster, seriously.

7. Why don’t you ever see Babydoll dance? I am unconvinced that her awkward swaying, paired with her creepy, innocent gaze, can distract a fat man from a scantily-clad female from stealing his gold-plated lighter from his breast pocket.

8. What year is this movie supposed to be in? The 30’s? 40’s? If so, why is the first song we hear Bjork’s “Army of Me”? Mind you, this was not background music, it was music used for Babydoll’s first dance. This also confused me.

9. How did Rocket die with just a little wound in her side!? The other girls got a fucking bullet in their heads. Please explain.

10. Why is Babydoll the only one in a skimpy schoolgirl outfit when the other girls are all in skimpy military-inspired outfits?

11. Why did you borrow the Orcs from Lord of the Rings for the dragon-fighting scene? I couldn’t hold in my laughter.

If you watched the movie you know what I'm talking about. Image via blog.activehome.co.uk

12. Speaking of the dragon-fighting scene, how is it that Babydoll’s tiny little blade pierced through the huge-ass dragon’s head and killed the beast? I DON’T UNDERSTAND. It’s like sticking a pocket knife through the top of a Hummer, that shit isn’t going to stop the Hummer from going along its merry way, you know.

13. How did all the girls instantly trust Babydoll’s plan to escape? They just met her. Girls don’t trust that easily.

14. In the second fight with the steam-powered German soldiers, how is that Babydoll’s tiny pistol shot down the plane? IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE.

15. My final question because I no longer want to contemplate this movie: Why couldn’t you just make this into a video game? Would have had lower expectations, and I wouldn’t have any of these questions because I usually don’t question the dynamics in a video game.

Because you’ve already spent probably 10-15 minutes of your time reading this blog post, and you probably want to get something out of it, I suggest you save your $13 for a nice dinner somewhere and just wait until this movie releases on DVD… in 2 months.

Talkin’ Monsters During Family Dinners

25 Oct

My sister and I don’t have much in common. Her entire wardrobe consists of American Eagle and Urban Outfitters, my wardrobe is black, black, and more black (not Hot Topic-style, more Alexander Wang/Ann Demeulemeester-style). She can spend hours watching Scottish Fold videos on Youtube, I can spend hours watching dance videos on Youtube. She has waist-length black hair, I have short, blonde hair.

Most people don’t even recognize us as siblings. She’s friendly and reserved, I sometimes come off as that unapproachable bitch with the potty mouth at the bar. But despite our obvious differences, there is one thing we can see eye-to-eye on, and it’s not the universal subject of females–no, we don’t bond over Robert Pattinson or Joseph Gordon-Levitt. We awaken our sisterly bonds through anime.

It was my dad’s birthday celebration last night, and we went through the normal ritual–go to dinner at the Chinese restaurant we grew up with, go home and eat a cake from Micasa. I don’t really get along with my mom, my dad and I talk about sci-fi movies and superheroes all day (drives my mom crazy), my grandpa’s half-deaf (he’s 92) and my sister is still in college, working part-time at a local boba shop. We endured the entire 7-minute car ride to the restaurant listening to my mom yell at my dad for talking on his cell phone sans earpiece. It’s no secret to me that my sister watches Detective Conan too. She’s not into the violent / horror / sometimes-pervy anime I usually watch (did I ever say that I was a role model????) but she said something that surprised me during dinner.

Me: I’ve been watching Darker Than Black lately, have you seen that?
Sister: No, what’s that about?
Me: It’s a sci-fi series but it’s kind of violent so I’m not sure if you’ll want to watch it.
Sister: …The first episode of Blood+ was so bloody, I didn’t know what was going on, but it’s actually a really good series.
Me: Is it anything like Blood The Last Vampire?
Sister: I haven’t seen it but there are some references throughout.
Me: Hm. Well the movie has a lot of blood.
Sister: How bad is Darker Than Black?
Me: Well it’s not that violent but there’s one guy who uses his blood to kill people. Basically, whatever his blood touches, he just snaps his fingers and it explodes. This dude got destroyed by it.
Sister: Oh. That’s not so bad. In the beginning of Blood+ the girl slices everyone. I was confused. But I kept watching.
Me: Hmmm if there aren’t that many episodes I’ll check it out I’ve heard good things about it.
Sister: You should watch High School of the Dead, too, it’s pretty good.

STOP RIGHT THERE. HOW is it that my sister beat me in finishing HSotD? (Her: It’s only 12 episodes, you should watch it. But it ended really weird…) This obviously erupted into a conversation about zombies during our family dinner–then vampires. Then immediately after the cake was consumed, my sister showed me a clip from Blood+. We could have gone all night but I had to rush off and play Goldeneye on the N64 (I got my ass handed to me on a glittering platter, by the way).

Vampires and zombies. Yes–the topics of 20-some Asian girls during family dinners. Vampires, witches, demons, knights and dinosaurs–more monsters we’ve yet to cover in one of our conversations to come, but all of which are in the new Darkstalkers manga that was released October 18.

It’s obvious that when anyone thinks “Darkstalkers” we all think “Morrigan“. How can we not? I honestly have no recollection of Darkstalkers except for that succubus relation, from those times at Skate Depot playing Marvel v. Capcom.

ZOMG. MARVEL V. CAPCOM 3 MORRIGAN VS. IRON MAN. Notice the clever caption in the top  right corner. Image via gamerant.com

I’m interested to see how the story is developed in this manga, as we know that oftentimes, too many monsters becomes too ridiculous (and believe me, I usually embrace ridiculous)–for some reason, Twilight came to mind. I haven’t even seen the movies but I don’t care about emo vampires or teenage werewolves. I’m on a completely different team from Jacob and Edward.

Below is an excerpt from the official press release from Udon Entertainment regarding the Darkstalkers/Red Earth manga:

“Written and drawn by Itou Mami(ROBOT, Pilgrim Jäger) Maleficarum is video game manga at its best. This standalone volume includes five short stories from across the monstrous Darkstalkers universe, as well as a four-chapter tale featuring the swords & sorcery world of Red Earth. You’ll see succubus Morrigan fight the wolfman Talbain, the devilish Jedah confront vampire lord Demitri, the heroic lion-man Leo questing to cure his cursed body, and several more fantastic tales. Also included are gag strips and artist commentary.”

Maleficarum / Darkstalkers/Red Earth manga. Image via udonentertainment.com

One volume? Anyone of us can finish that in a weekend or less. I know absolutely nothing about Red Earth, so I’m ready to get schooled (in the name of research, duh). And gag strips / artist commentary? Yes, please! Monsters are something Megawoman and I might never tire of rambling about, but now that I’ve discovered a new buddy to chat monsters with, I think I can proudly add my sister to my zombie-vampire-survival team.

It took me two years to watch this movie…

28 Sep

So, I watched Cloverfield this weekend (yeah, I know I’m several years behind the movie-watching curve, shut up. Real life (read: TV) got in the way) and I only sorta liked it.

In case you haven’t seen it (and are even further behind than I am in sci-fi movie watching), consider this your warning that slight spoilers follow.

The movie as a whole reminded me of The War of the Worlds (the H.G. Wells book, not the Tom Cruise movie.) I’d read it over the summer because I’m trying to better educate myself about the (sci-fi) classics, and found it disappointing. While I understand its importance as a foundational work of the genre and that it was the first time that a lot of those ideas had been expressed, it felt like just an outsider point of view/narration of events without anything other than its novelty to draw the reader in.  I didn’t care about the characters, and there wasn’t a plot arc with a proper climax and resolution that evoked the satisfied feeling that those things normally do. It was just someone telling you what he saw, but not telling it particularly engagingly.

The book was almost this exciting.

(Impressive Collection of The War of the World book covers, most of which are deceptively action-y and exciting.)

Cloverfield seemed like The War of the Worlds all over again. It wasn’t scary enough (and this come from me, Empress of Wimps: I get scared just watching trailers for horror movies) to be exciting, and it wasn’t dramatic enough to be watched just for the characters. The movie never really made you care about the characters: I didn’t really care if they made it across the city to save the girl he loved, wasn’t all that thrilled when they did, and, although I felt a twinge of sadness when they all died, it wasn’t nearly the emotional reaction the movie was hoping for, I’m sure.

The novelty of the idea of a handheld camera documentation of a random monster attack on NYC was clever and interesting. The execution of the camerawork, the special effects, the authenticity of the setting etc, were well done. The acting wasn’t bad, but wasn’t particularly great either; they seemed believable as real people who were caught on film, which I guess should be counted as a success because they played their characters well.

I think Marlena's facial expression here sums up my opinion of the movie

But, overall, it’s not a movie I’d watch again, or even have as a part of my movie library. It was a well executed and clever idea; not a waste of my 2 hours, but not the first sci-fi movie I’d tell someone to watch.

%d bloggers like this: