Tag Archives: Pirates

Pirates and Zombies and Mermaids, oh my

6 May

So I just saw Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (aka PotC IV) and IT WAS SO GOOD!

No, really, it was!

I know there might be some of you out there who were a little disappointed by the last two movies and, well, if I’m being truly honest, even I didn’t love them as much as I absolutely adored the first one.

(Before watching PotC I: CotBP, when asked about my favourite movie I always said Titanic because that’s a movie everyone liked, right? Then I saw Pirates and I was like, “THIS! This is my favourite movie of all time.” And it was. And it still is. I still haven’t seen Titanic.)

But this movie? Oh, it’s almost back to the first movie’s level of AWESOME. (Yes, that did need to be in all caps. Deal with it.)

In case you haven’t seen the trailer yet:

I think the more honest title for this movie is Pirates of the Caribbean: Watch Captain Jack Being Awesome.  The last three movies were good, but this one is definitely the Cap’n Jack Special.

We do get to see beloved side characters again, a great storyline, exciting chase scenes, swordfights…and there are some really cute deckhands if you pay attention to the extras.

I’m too full of squee right now for this to be a coherent review, so I’m just going to end by saying PotC IV is amazing. Go see it! [Comes out on May 20th]

How appropriate! You fight like a cow!

11 Mar

AVAST THERE, LANDLUBBERS! Prepare yeselves. I’m about to pillage your poop deck. With a big, girth-y, black… eyepatch. On my eye. You thought I was gonna say ‘dildo’, right? For shame. No, we’re here to talk about Monkey Island. It’s fangirl time.

The Monkey Island games hold a place very close to my heart – it was the second adventure game I ever played (preceded only by 1996’s Freddi Fish: The Case of the Haunted Schoolhouse.) The Oregon Trail gateway drug of PC games tossed me into a cesspool of wasted hours, hunched over the keyboard as I quested and puzzle solved my way to carpal tunnel, near-sightedness, and a grossly high WPM.

The Curse of Monkey Island (the third installment in the Monkey Island series) found its way into my hands back in the year 2000 in a desperate attempt to find something a little more challenging (and a little less for pussies) than Rockett’s Secret Invitation. It was love at first click.

Monkey Island is a humorous self-referential series about a man named Guybrush Threepwood, who washed up on shore one day with no memories and only one goal – to become a mighty pirate. His adventures send you careening and buccaneering through the Caribbean, encountering trials, tribulations, and an unforgettable cast of characters (one of my favorites of which is a tough-talkin’ jerk of a skull named Murray). One of the most self-aware games I’ve ever played (Guybrush breaks the fourth wall on the regular, and even spouts such gems as, “Goodbye, cruel adventure game!”), Monkey Island is also consistently funny due to the brilliant writing and endless one-liners.

One of the most appealing aspects of the series is that it’s a game that has a protagonist with a personality. Unlike many of the more popular games of today, Monkey Island does not rely on a bland, muscle-bound, gruff, weapon-toting hero through which the (likely obese) player can live vicariously – instead, Guybrush is very much his own person, and an extremely likable one at that, much in part to the voice talents of Dominic Armato. It should also be noted that Guybrush is singularly responsible for my taste in men. Thin, witty, and with a sense of humor.

The series order is as follows: The Secret of Monkey Island, Monkey Island 2: LeChuck’s Revenge, The Curse of Monkey Island, Escape from Monkey Island, and Tales of Monkey Island. Debuting in 1990 and continuing (with agonizing years-long hiatuses in between) ever since, the series has experienced a revival due to the collaboration of LucasArts and TellTale Games on Tales of Monkey Island in 2009.

An updated version of first game was concurrently developed and released the same year as The Secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition. For those who want to get into the series, I’d recommend downloading it on LucasArts.com, Xbox Live Arcade, or the Playstation Network. Insult sword-fighting, evil demon zombie ghost pirates, Carnivals of the Damned, steel drum music – it’s all just good, piratical fun!

2011: A Year of Geek Movies

8 Jan

There are a ridiculous amount of geeky movies coming out this year.

With superheroes, fairy tales, robots, gods, aliens, vampires, gnomes, zombies, genetically engineered apes, smurfs, pirates, spies, witches, wizards, pandas…the movie selection this year is a smörgåsbord of geek topics.

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Season of the Witch: Jan 7th

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The Green Hornet: Jan 14th

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Gnomeo and Juliet: Feb 11

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I am Number Four: Feb 18th

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All Star Superman: Feb 22nd

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The Adjustment Bureau: March 4th

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Mars Needs Moms: March 11th

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Battle: Los Angeles: March 11th

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Beastly: March 18th

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Paul: March 18th

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Dylan Dog: Dead of Night: March (tentatively)

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Sucker Punch: March 25

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Super: April 1st

Starring Rainn Wilson as The Crimson Bolt, a powerless superhero who wields a wrench, it looks like it’s going to be Kick Ass level of good.

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Source Code: April 1st

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Your Highness: April 8th

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Thor: May 6th

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Priest: May 13th

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Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides: May 20th

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Kung Fu Panda 2: May 27th

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X-Men First Class: June 3rd

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Green Lantern: Emerald Knights: June 7th

Straight to DVD animated movie about Kyle Rayner and a time-travelling Hal Jordan as they team up with the JLA and Green Arrow to fight Sinestro and Parallax.

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Super 8: June 10th

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Rise of the Apes: June 24th

Planet of the Apes prequel which shows how the apes came to rule to world, starring James Franco.

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Green Lantern: June 17th

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Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon: July 1st

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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2: July 15th

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Captain America: The First Avenger: July 22nd

If you don’t know what this is going to be about, shame on you.

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Cowboys and Aliens: July 29th

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The Smurfs: August 3rd

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Conan the Barbarian: August 19th

Conan”s adventures on his quest to avenge the death of his father and the slaughter of his village.

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Fright Night: August 19th

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Johnny English Reborn: September 16th

Johnny English (Rowan Atkinson) tries to stop a band of assassins from killing the Chinese Premier

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Now: September 30th

A society where aging stops at 25 and the rich are immortal while the rest struggle to survive. Starring Justin Timberlake, who’s falsely accused of murder, on the run with his hostage Amanda Seyfried.

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Real Steel: October 7th

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The Thing: October 14th

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Puss in Boots: November 4th

Origins of the swashbuckling cat from the Shrek movies.

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Immortals: November 11th

3D movie where Theseus (Henry Cavill) must fight to save his people and the Greek gods from the mad King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke).

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Arthur Christmas: November 23rd

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Sherlock Holmes 2: December 16th

After how awesome the first one was, we all knew the sequel was inevitable.

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The Adventures of Tintin: Secret of the Unicorn: December 28th

3D motion-capture film based on the comics: Tintin’s first encounter with Captain Haddock and their adventures trying to find his ancestor’s hidden treasure.

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Tekken: Sometime in 2011

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These are trailers for the ones I’m actually likely to go see. For even more, see this io9 post.

Geek Gingerbread

24 Dec

I’m going to share these with you because I’m rather proud of some of them (and hopelessly embarrassed by others).

Consider it an early Christmas present with one condition: you’re not allowed to make fun of my frosting skills…or lack thereof.

Captain America

Dr. Manhattan

Dr. Manhattan

Spidey

Superman

ThePowerofLoveMan?

Black Canary

The Doppler Effect

Sheldon Cooper's Halloween Costume

Wonder Woman

Nightwing

Batman

Not a Red Shirt

Ninjas

Pirate

I’d watch it in theatres

20 Oct

A clumsy salesman, with an arguably hallucinatory steak for a sidekick, who turns super-spy because of a microprocessor implanted in his brain by mad scientists? Yup, best premise ever.

Spoilers: The following video includes, in no particular order, the following awesome things: American president zombies, exploding starfish shot from a rather large gun, a thwarted robot revolution, pirates stealing a glowing meteorite that turns things into seafood, a thrilling chase sequence, sewer surfing in a bathtub, mutant human-sea-creature hybrid monsters, action, adventure, a chef getting punched in slow-motion…and all in under seven minutes.

Perhaps, it might be more elucidating to ask (despite grammar considerations) “What cool geeky things does this short animated feature not contain?”

TLaPD Be Upon Us

18 Sep

Avast! Belay yer proper speak and talk like a pirate, landlubber, because tomorrow be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. (Aye, I be startin’ a bit early…)

In case ye’ve been A) livin’ under a rock like sand crab or B) a ninja and ‘ave been avoidin’ knowledge of this glorious day on purpose (if the latter be true, shame on ye), International Talk Like a Pirate Day be a splendid holiday created by two middle-aged men with nothin’ better to do. Fer those of ye who can read more than treasure maps, the best rendition of the origin story can be found here: Dave Barry’s Article

I canna be advocatin’ rape or pillaging as part of TLaPD, but there should be plenty o’ maraudin’ and cavortin’ and good-natured, piratey roughhousin’ in celebration. Ooh, and bucklin’ of swashes! Or, unbucklin’ as the case may be.

I’m sure there’ll be lots o’ grog consumption as well (of which I will not partake because, ugh, rum tastes awful, especially when drunk from musty old wooden tankards; trust me, I’ve tried) and that always be more amusin’ to watch than days sans grog consumption.

Fer assistance in buildin’ yer pirate vocabulary: Some Rules and Vocab

Fer the lily-livered, bilge suckers who’re too lazy to try: Instant Translator

And, of course, Facebook be havin’ a pirate language settin’, which ye should use at all times.

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