If you’re like me and would rather spend that extra hour of the day trying to complete the next temple in your Legend of Zelda game instead of doing yoga for an hour, maybe you aren’t in such great shape come Halloween time.
That being said, I can never figure out what to dress up as for Halloween that could possibly be clever, relevant and slightly sexy, because if you’re an adult female, you have to be some kind of sexy something. Sexy nurse. Sexy secretary. Sexy prisonmate. Whatever. Your store-bought options are pretty limited unless you know how to sew.
Luckily, I know how to sew, and I don’t have much of a social life, so I have time to crank out a costume for Halloween. But what about my girl friends who can’t sew? What are your options if all you do is stay home and watch “Darker Than Blood“? Slave-outfit Leia again? Lara Croft? Let’s face it–if you don’t have boobs and nice legs, the Tomb Raider is territory you don’t want to cross lest you want to end up on ohnotheydidnt.
I always figure out my costumes at the last minute and they’re usually some kind of overly complicated contraption I lose sleep and hair over during the month of October. In fact it’s 3AM right now and I should probably be sleeping or drunk off my ass because that’s what exciting people do on Thursday nights, not contemplate Halloween costumes or write blog posts helping other people figure out their costumes.
But I’ve had a good handful of friends ask me for ideas on creative and simple Halloween costumes. I cannot help you. I can, however, direct you to some ideas if all you do is play Final Fantasy when you get home.
It’s not too hard for a female to “win” in a Halloween costume. All you need to do is show some cleavage and have awesome hair. For example, MegaWoman told me she was going to be Tifa Lockhart this year. Half of society doesn’t know who that is. But MegaWoman is pretty tall and has the body to pull it off so she’s going to get lookers anyway! Win. I don’t have boobs. I am also not very tall. So I have to resort to making a really complicated costume to hoard attention.
Tifa Lockhart. Image via desktopnexus.com
I stumbled upon these costumes the other day–I wouldn’t really consider them a “win”–you’ll definitely get attention, but your photo will probably be headlining the “caption contest” the next day.
Clockwise from top left: "Han Solo", "Darth Vader", "Chew...bacca?"
So my solution for winning this Halloween as a nerdy female is to pick a costume you actually might enjoy wearing and doesn’t require funky undergarments you’ve just discovered to accommodate your outfit. This costume may not be instantly recognizable (to the masses) but as long as you don’t look overly exposed (re: Miley Cyrus’ sister last year, see below, what the hell) and I can still recognize you after all your makeup (that is, unless I’m not supposed to be able to–i.e. zombie costume), I’m giving you my two thumbs up.
Sexy costume fail. Image via cutemileycyrus.com
Because I just subjected you to that horrific photo, here’s the trailer to Priest to bleach your mind.